Attention! This is an official announcement.

I am consolidating my blogs; blogging in three places is too much. I am hanging up the LJ pencil. This page will still exist, but there will be no more updates here. In the future, you can read my blog posts- all of them- at unstableknitter.blogspot.com. I look forward to seeing you over there!

This is where I spent Memorial Day. (Pictures behind the cut.)
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That's all for now.

My laptop went to sleep one night and never woke up. All my blogs are in hibernation until I have a) regular, reliable internet access and b) a diploma in my hand and a handshake from Mary Sue. Hope everyone is having fun in blogland!

Dear John Locke,

Do you have button issues? I mean, Desmond tells you to push a button, you push it. Then you almost don't push it. Then you almost don't push it. Then you don't push it and sky over Craphole Island turns purple and the hatch explodes. Then a guy in a Dharma suit tells you there's no point in pushing the buttons on the chess game, so you play. Then you win and get a menu of buttons to push. Then the guy in the Dharma suit tells you to push another button. And another button. And then he tells you to push the button if the building you're in has been taken over by HOSTILES.

What did you think was going to happen? That a welcome banner would pop up to welcome the visitors? Is it really possible that you really are that unbelievably stupid?

Do you just have a thing for blowing up Dharma installations? Or have you really, really gotten attached to this island?

Also, please tell Saying to take the stupid cat home, because Craphole Island has really been suffering for a cute animal since Vincent- wait, whatever did happen to Vincent? Did he get eaten by the polar bear or something? Whatever. This island needs an animal that doesn't require the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch to kill- which, by the way, was something Mr. Eko should totally have provided you with.

But, really, I have to commend you- the show really has picked up in the past two episodes, in my opinion. You might actually not get cancelled now.

Incredible as it may seem, it is in fact possible to knit something other than a scarf. Therefore, you know how your teacher always told you there were no stupid questions? I am adding an exception clause to this rule. Anyone who asks if I am knitting a scarf when the object hanging off my needles has distinctly non-scarf-like features (like armholes or a heel) will be considered to have asked a stupid question and will get a correspondingly blank stare in response.

The nice thing about fleece blankets in the winter is that they're warm.

The less nice thing about fleece blankets is that they build up static.

The not nice thing about static is that when you touch your laptop's touchpad, it discharges, causing the touchpad to go nuts for several seconds.

Also, it kinda hurts your finger.

Dear Montreal Canadiens and the CBC,

It's very nice that you're retiring the jersey of some guy that used to play for you before he was a politician. Very nice. Whatever. But that is no reason to skip showing the next episode of Doctor Who. You might suggest to your speakers that they skip their painfully terrible French and just deliver their speeches in one language. (Not that it would matter to me what language they delivered their speech in- the rememberances of hockey players from fifty years ago would be as incomprehensible to me in any language.)

In the future, please remember that your American viewers aren't paying to watch you memorialize hockey players who weren't Red Wings, thankyouverymuch/mercibeaucoup.

A disgruntled southern neighbo(u)r

I must have missed the memo. Why is everyone wearing the exact same scarf? I mean, really. Is this a reaction against the hand-knit scarf trend? A rebellion against fun fur or something? Because seriously, I think one in five people is sporting one of these:


Now don't get me wrong, it's a cute scarf. I just don't understand why everyone I see is wearing the exact same scarf. It's kind of creepy.

So I started playing a game on my way to class. Here's the rules:

1 point for every Ubiquitous Brown Plaid Scarf.
2 points for Brown Plaid Earmuffs.
5 points for Ubiquitous Brown Plaid Scarf and matching Earmuffs (but only 4 points if coupled with Uggly boots).
5 points for anything else with the Ubiquitous Brown Plaid Pattern on it.

I assure you, you can amass an amazingly high score in a very short amount of time, especially if you go out around lunchtime, when everyone is getting out of or on their way to class.

I don't normally pass things on like this- not even in email. But this one feels about right for today.

Calmness in our lives

This definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace:

“The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you’ve started and never finished.”

So, I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

Dear furnace,

I know you're going to get around to blowing warm air eventually, but in the meantime, please remember that your raison d'etre is not to shock me with sudden blasts of frigid air, kthx.

Love,
Your friendly house-dweller

PS. If you see your friend the hot-water heater, please tell her that this morning's shower was a little uncomfortable, and she could save me a lot of trouble by just telling me to go jump in the lake instead.